we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
