Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
