Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
