You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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