i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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