i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize