i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
