Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
