im six kinds of drunk right now
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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