What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
