fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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