id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
