Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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