Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
