mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
