Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
