I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I think my fart just growled at me.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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