I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
