That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
