my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
