it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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