I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Damn victory sex feels great
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
