Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
