talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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