I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
