Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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