It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
