boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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