I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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