So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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