I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
