i don't like sucking hair
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
