Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
