I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
