oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
