THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
