You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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