matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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