are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
