okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
