Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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