she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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