I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
