not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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