Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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