All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
