Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
organizing the empties. That sober.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
