I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
