you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
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