I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
