I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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