Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize