dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
