she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
