is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
