i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
