why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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