dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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