clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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