I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
