guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
