she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
