this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
