just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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