you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
im six kinds of drunk right now
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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