In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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