Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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