i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
