Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
and you fell through a lawn chair
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
