were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
