so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
