yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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