I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
