Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
