He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
