is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
