my vag is so smooth its legendary
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
