he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
