so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
