Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize