OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
