I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
