There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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