you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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