So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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