what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
