awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
