i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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