a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize